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.Iwant to come over to your house" and she says "Come on over," at thatmoment you know that there is at least a part of her that's interested inpots and pans.There's a part of her that wants to buy them, and thereare probably other parts that can't yet fit buying them into her well-formedness conditions for her to actually buy something.If you don'ttake those other parts into consideration when you make a sale, you getwhat's called "buyer's remorse."I think buyer's remorse isn't regret.Buyer's remorse simply meansthat the product was not adequately sold, and that the decision to buyit was not fully made.In other words, the product wasn't shaped intosomething that met all the person's standards.Then later when one ofthese standards is violated, the buyer says "I should have knownbetter," and that wrecks everything.From then on, the product is ananchor for unpleasant feelings.We once worked with some people who sold china door-to-door.Their problems stemmed from the fact that door-to-door salesmen arethe lowest on the prestige ladder.People assume that door-to-doorsalesmen will try to fast-talk them into buying overpriced goods.Theirchina was good and reasonably priced; their customers really wantedthe china and bought it.Then when the customers went to work thenext day, their friends said "Oh! You fell for a door-to-door routine?"and then they felt cheated.My proposal was for the salespeople to future-pace that problemaway.Immediately after writing up a contract, I would have them saythis to their clients: "Look.I've got this contract here and I'll rip it upright now if you want me to.I know that people are going to say 'Youbought something from a door-to-door salesman? You got burned.'You either want something or you don't.If you don't want the china,I'll tear up the contract." At that point you can tear the top of thecontract a little bit to give them a thrill.You just look at them and say"A lot of door-to-door people sell overpriced goods.If you want to goout and look around and compare, that's fine.I need to know that youwant to buy, and that you are sure you want to.I don't want you tocome back to me dissatisfied later on.I want customers to send meother people because they're satisfied with what they bought.I know42that some people are going to say that you were cheated, and if thatcreates doubt in you, it's bad for me.I need for you to be sure enoughthat you won't spoil my reputation."That effectively reframes something that is going to happen in thefuture.When it does happen, it will now elicit a different response.Rather than "Oh, I'm just another sucker" the person responds "Oh, hetold me this was going to happen." That makes the person even moreconfident, because the salesperson knew what was going to happen inadvance.When I proposed that idea to the china salesmen, they were scared todeath.They thought that they would lose a lot of sales.But thatproposal is not only protecting the salesperson, it is protecting theclient.If you don't do that for your client, you deserve all the customerdissatisfaction you get.A lot of salespeople think of themselves as taking advantage ofpeople, but their real job is to protect people.I think that should be anindustry-wide reframe.The salespeople who operate that way makemuch more money with a lot less work, because they get so manyreferrals.They don't have to try to force people into anything.Manysalespeople act like bulldozers, and there are a certain number ofpeople who can be bulldozed.But you get a lot of buyer's remorse fromthat, and you end up having to work a lot harder.Reframes are not con-jobs.What makes a reframe work is that itadheres to the well-formedness conditions of a particular person'sneeds.It's not a deceptive device.It's actually accurate.The bestreframes are the ones which are as valid a way of looking at the worldas the way the person sees things now.Reframes don't necessarily needto be more valid, but they really can't be less valid.When the father says "Oh, my daughter's just too stubborn" and yousay "Aren't you proud that she can say 'no' to men with bad inten-tions?" that's a really valid way of looking at that situation.At anothertime and place, that father would actually look at it that way and beproud of her, but he didn't think about it until you brought it up.You can't reframe anything to anything else.It has to be somethingwhich fits that person's experience.Saying to that father "You shouldlike your daughter's being stubborn because that means she's a liber-ated woman" probably isn't going to work with him.You have to find avalid set of perceptions in terms of that particular person's model of theworld.43What reframing does is to say "Look, this external thing occurs andit elicits this response in you, so you assume that you know what themeaning is.But if you thought about it this other way, then you wouldhave a different response.Being able to think about things in a varietyof ways builds a spectrum of understanding.None of these waysare "really" true, though.They are simply statements about a person'sunderstanding.IINegotiating Between PartsThe six-step model of refraining makes the assumption that there's apart of you making you do what you don't want to do, or a partstopping you from doing what you want to do.That's a big presupposi-tion.However, that's one way of describing a difficulty, and usuallyyou can organize your experience in that way.You can make anydifficulty fit the six-step model.That description can always be takenas accurate, because something is producing the difficulty.Sometimes it's more convenient to start out making completelydifferent assumptions.You can act as if the difficulty is that two ormore parts are in conflict.Each part has a valid function and a validway of accomplishing its function, but they step on each other's toes [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]