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.“I have to live with myself, Harper,” he said.Smiled.Kissed me again.“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…when the time is right.”Without words ever being spoken, Kane knew I was a virgin.Of course he did.If I’d never been kissed before, odds were I’d never had sex before, either.I felt pretty positive Kane had lost his virginity a long while back.Yet he was willing to wait.For me? The feelings I had were a myriad of fears and hopes and desires.But one thing I’d come to recognize.I liked the person I was with Kane.I felt like I wanted to laugh.Wanted to make jokes.I felt like eating a pizza, watching a movie.I actually felt…normal.As long as no one else found out about my attacks.About my shady past.About who I truly, truly was.“Can there be lots of practice kissing while we wait?” I asked shyly.In those profound eyes, I recognized desire.Laughter.And he pulled me against him, kissed my jaw, my lips, the end of my nose.Then he moved that sensual mouth to the soft outer shell of my ear.“I’ll kiss you anytime you want,” he whispered.And then he did just that.And I knew then, without a doubt in my abnormal, warped mind, that I was lost.Lost, forever.The last day of November came and went; only two and a half more weeks of the fall semester.Two and a half more weeks before the Dare would be revealed.Two and a half more weeks before I’d have to make the trip back to Belle House.For Christmas.To Oakview.Alone.I had regrets.Mainly, the Dare.I’d decided to talk to Murphy about it, see what she thought without giving too much away.In my haze of budding romance with Kane, I’d forgotten how cunningly sharp Murphy Polk was.“Hey,” I said, walking up to her in the library.I draped my satchel over the back of the chair, pulled it out and sat beside her.Tucking her lob behind her ears, her eyes assessed me, and she furrowed her brows.“Oh, I don’t fancy that look.Not one bit.”“What look?” I asked.“How do you see a look?”“Oh, I see one,” she said.She pointed with her finger.“I can tell by that wee little wrinkle betwixt your brows there.” She winked.“It’s a definite look.And a dodgy one at that.”I sighed, studied the wooden tabletop for a second or two, then looked at her.“Kane isn’t right for the Dare.The Dare isn’t right, and I was stupid for suggesting it.I want to stop it.”That profound stare—similar, sometimes, to Kane’s—eyed me long.Hard.And with such precision, I’d thought she had the super power of seeing straight through me.Me, and my façade.Then, the Cheshire Cat smile.“You do like him,” she stated, matter-of-factly.One brow lifted.“Mayhap even love.” Then her eyes rounded, and white showed completely around the hazel part.“Bugger me—you’ve had sex with him! You little minx!”My face paled.“I—no! Murphy, be quiet!”She laughed.“Bloody hell, Harper ol’ girl, I didn’t realize you were on the pull,” she continued to grin.Shake her head.“Damn me.”I didn’t know what on the pull meant, but she had it all wrong.“No, Murphy,” I insisted.“We have not had sex.And I’ve not…pulled anything.”Her face screwed up before she burst out laughing.She slapped her hand over her mouth.“Well, why not? There’s not a thing wrong with a good rumpy-pumpy,” she winked, “or a bit o’ slap and tickle—”I couldn’t help it.I laughed, then caught myself.“Murphy! Stop it!” I hissed.A slow, wide smile captured her face.“Well now.There’s something I don’t see too often enough.” She leaned closer, her knowing eyes roving my face.“Me thinks you’ve been a poser all this time, Ms.Belle.I rather fancy this new you.”I sighed.“I don’t know what to do,” I confessed.“I didn’t think I’d, you know…”“Fall for him?”I didn’t want to completely confess it, so I just sort of shrugged.Gave a wan smile.Murphy pulled me into a hug, timid, at first, because she was used to me backing away.But I allowed it.And she hugged harder.“Right.Well, what shall we do, hmm?” she looked at me.“Damn Josh, all he worries over are his twig and berries.I mean he’s totally fit and all, but,” she blew out a breath.“He’s been a challenge, I’ll say.” She shrugged.“But I sort of like him, too.And Leslie? She’s got Jason eating out of her hand like a bloody dog searching for treats.I personally think that one’s off his trolley, but that’s neither here nor there.”“Maybe I should call a meeting? Discuss cancelling the Dare?”A sly grin pulled at her mouth.“I second that motion, Ms.Belle.Well done.”The rest of the day flew by, and I’d felt somewhat lighter than I had in a long time.Just knowing the whole Dare thing was going to come to an end eased my mind.Truly, it hadn’t set right with me for some time—even before I’d kinda started falling for Kane.I’d just been so angry about the Kappas’ latest Dare victim, what they’d done to Olivia, that I hadn’t given much thought to what it truly meant.Despite the secrets I kept, I still had pride in the Deltas and what we stood for.I’d let my anger lead me to an action that was irrational, and that made me little better than the Kappas.I still wanted to keep a low profile with Kane—mainly because of his dealings with gambling.I’d wished I could try and convince him that there had to be something else he could do for income.He was intelligent—anyone could tell that just by talking to him.He was well-versed in so many subjects.Yet anytime I brought it up, he’d strategically shift gears.Change topics.And, Kane had a way about him.A certain way that made me forget all about things like illegal gambling and betting on football games and taking money.The way he touched me with his eyes; how he held me in his arms? The way that profound stare never actually would leave mine?It made me feel something I’d never, ever felt.In my life.Cherished.I hardly knew what to do about it.The Christmas Bake Sale had gone well.We’d raised nearly a thousand dollars, which we split between the local Toys-for-Tots Christmas organization and the local soup kitchen for holiday dinners.Brax, although not completely convinced Kane should pursue me, had eased up on his brother and he and Kane had both helped pass out toys, and had worn red and white striped elf caps with bells on the end.Olivia and I had laughed, and for the first time in my life, everything seemed…real.Part of something other than a nightmare.And the more Kane was in my life, the more faded the ugly part of my past became.My phone buzzed in my purse on my way out of Psych, and I stopped beneath the magnolia tree in the quad to answer it.KANE: I HAVE A SURPRISE.DRESS WARM.DOUBLE WARM.MEET ME AT BRAX’S AT 6.My mind flashed.I’d decided to call a meeting tonight, to disclose my reservations about the Dare.To bring it to an end.I suppose it could wait one more day.ME: HINT? :-)KANE: NICE TRY.SEE YA THEN.When I got to Delta house, Murphy was just leaving.Friday night, she was no doubt heading to meet up with Josh.“Hey, can I borrow those fleece leggings again?” I asked.She smiled and waved.“Second drawer, love.Right next to me knickers.And grab that black wooly jumper in the closet, too.It’ll look scrummy on you.”“Thanks.” I shook my head, ran inside, and hurried through a shower.Pulling on the olive fleece leggings, I matched my Nordic winter boot socks, and a black turtle neck.I searched through Murphy’s closet.I knew a jumper was a sweater, only because she’d informed me of that British adjective not that long ago.It was baggy, hanging to my mid-thighs, but comfy and warm.Quickly, I dried my hair, applied a little make-up, pulled one of Murphy’s winter beanies over my head and zipped up my boots.Grabbing my bag, I headed out the door.To Brax’s.For some unknown surprise that left butterflies tickling my stomach [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]