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.It made her feel hopeful—that there might still be a future for the three of them, if they could just work out the tension and confusion.“I’m glad.The three of us can work through this,” Julia said, her voice hoarse with emotion.“I know we can.”“You’ve been happy for this last year, haven’t you?”She made a rough sound in her throat.“Of course.I’ve been so, so happy.You and Mike make me so happy.Yes, I’ve been happy.”“Good.” Drayton’s voice was odd—low and slurred and under his breath.And she wasn’t sure if he was taking to her or to himself as he added, “It will atone.”SixJulia was on her way to the kitchen for coffee a few mornings later, but she stopped in the hall when she heard voices from Mike’s room.“When did you get so vanilla?” That was Drayton’s voice.No way to confuse it with anyone else’s.“Insult me if you like,” Mike said, sounding tired and annoyed.“But my point is still valid.”“Your point is inappropriate.You have no right to expect me to change my behavior or open up about anything I’d prefer to keep to myself.We set up this relationship on purpose to avoid that kind of thing.”“I know how we set the relationship up, but it’s more than a year later now.You really feel no obligation to me and Julia? No obligation at all?”“I feel obligated not to have sex with anyone else, which I’ve already told you I’ve never done.You can sit there on your white horse and act morally superior, if you’d like¸ but your noble act has no foundation.”“You can’t pretend that everything is the same as it was a year ago.Julia and I feel ties of loyalty to you, and you’ve never shown us they’re reciprocated.”“Loyalty?” Drayton’s voice was no more than a rasp.“Loyalty? Is that how you call how you’re behaving?”“Yes, it is.It’s only loyalty that keeps me from doing what I really want to do.But there’s going to be a limit—especially since all that Julia and I get for our efforts is you slamming the door in our face.”Drayton didn’t answer immediately.“That’s not what’s happening here.”“Isn’t it? Then what would you say is happening here?”“You’re expecting too much.” The words sounded final, and Julia was about to step back—aware that she’d been shamelessly eavesdropping on a conversation she wasn’t a part of.But Drayton was suddenly at the door.He stared at her for a moment before he silently walked back to his room.Julia went into Mike’s room.He was sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in tan trousers and a blue dress shirt that wasn’t yet buttoned over his t-shirt.He looked so tired and frustrated and bristly that she went over to sit beside him on the bed, taking his hand in a silent show of support.After a little while, she felt his body relax, and she asked softly, “Are you okay?”“Yeah,” he said with a sigh.“Maybe I am expecting too much.”“From Drayton?” Ridiculously, she felt a little jealous—of Mike’s feelings for Drayton and his long history with him—but she stifled the unworthy thought almost immediately.“From everything.” He rubbed his jaw with his free hand, his other still twined with hers.“I don’t even know how I got into this mess.”“What do you mean?” she asked softly, scared by the words but wanting to know more about how he was feeling, wanting to know how she could make him feel better.“Maybe it is my fault—that things are so bad with Drayton.It feels like he’s changed, and not for the better, but maybe I’m the one who’s really changed.”“We’ve all changed, I think.We’ve been together a long time.Maybe a relationship like this has to deepen or…or dissolve.Eventually.” She couldn’t stand the thought of the second possibility, and she tightened her fingers around Mike’s.“Yeah,” Mike said on another exhale.“I’m not giving up, Mike,” she said quietly.“Not on you.Not on Drayton.Not on us.Relationships go through bad patches all the time.It doesn’t mean they’re hopeless.I’m not giving up.”He turned his head and, for a minute, seemed to see into her soul.But all he said was, “I know you won’t.You don’t give up on people.You don’t let go of them.I’m just not sure my heart is as big as yours is.”***On Friday, Julia had a really bad day.She was almost relieved when she came home and found the apartment empty.Mike had a dinner meeting and Drayton had probably left to work, so Julia fixed herself a sandwich, changed into her cotton pajamas, and got into bed to watch TV.It was a relief not to have to worry about keeping the peace or soothing ruffled feelings.It was a nice to just relax and be quiet for an evening, to not have to think or guard her words.She wasn’t always even aware of how tense she felt most of the time now, juggling two strong male personalities and the divergent needs of three different people, until she was completely alone.So she watched two crime dramas on television and ate a pint of mint chocolate-chip ice cream.She was feeling drowsy and content when she heard the front door open and then Mike’s voice call out a greeting.She couldn’t bring herself to respond—she just didn’t have the energy—so she wasn’t surprised when Mike materialized in her doorway, silhouetted by the light behind him in the hallway.“Are you all right?” he asked.“Yeah.Just taking it easy tonight.”“You feel like company?”“Sure.Just no sex.”“No problem.I’ll be right back.”She assumed Mike had gone to change clothes, and this was verified when he reappeared wearing boxers and a t-shirt.He crawled into bed with her, smiling.“Your hair’s a mess.What are we watching?”“It’s over now.” Julia smoothed down her hair automatically.“I’ll let you take over the remote if you let me cuddle a little.”He reached an arm out invitingly and laughed.“You don’t have to bribe me for that, baby.”But she noticed he was happy to pick up the remote and flip over to a sports station as she scooted over to snuggle against his big, warm body.She let out a long exhale as she clung to him, mumbling—just so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea, “But no sex.”“That’s what you said earlier.Are you sure you’re all right?” His eyes were on the television screen, but one of his hands gently stroked her back.“Tired,” she admitted, rubbing her cheek against his chest.“You were tired the other day, and I got a blow-job out of it.”She giggled, squeezing his side through his t-shirt.“Not today, so don’t get your hopes up.I didn’t have a very good day [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]