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.At least she was chubby.I recognized her.In a school this small, it was inevitable to know everyone—or at least of them.Her name was … I couldn’t remember her name, but I knew she was one of the “brainiacs.” What could Riley want with her?I shook my own dark, curly locks around my shoulders and waited for Riley to approach.I practiced my best please-don’t-be-mad-at-me eyes.I watched them walk together towards me down the fluorescent-lit hall, and when he looked up and noticed me, the smile fell from his face.I gulped.“Riley.” I gave him the eyes.“Mackenzie.” He nodded.“I’ll see you later, Emily.” He grinned at the chubby girl.“Sure, Riley.” Her voice was all sweetness and roses.She smiled big, with adorable dimples.“See you soon.”Emily.That was her name.I shared a few classes with her, but had never really noticed her until now.I hated her instantly.I watched her walk away and wished her bodily harm.“Don’t start.” Riley warned me.I spun my eyes to meet his, and gave him a soft smile.He knew me well enough to recognize the instant, unreasonable jealousy.“No, of course not.Look, Ry, I just wanted to say sorry.” I bit my lip and tried to look as contrite as possible.“I’ve been terrible, I know, and you’re right.About everything.But I’ll stop now.I’ll be understanding and all the rest … I just …” I shrugged.“I can’t help that I’m going to miss hanging out with you.That’s what I’ll miss, you know.Not the dealing or anything.Just you.You’re my best friend.” My voice broke on the word.At least, he used to be.The tears, so near the surface, stung me again.“I do care for you, even when I don’t act it, and I don’t—”“Are you finished?” He interrupted me then, but there was a slight smile tugging hesitantly on his lips.I stopped mid-sentence and nodded dumbly.“So dramatic.” Riley sighed, opening his locker and pulling out a thick black binder.He slammed the locker door shut and closed the lock.I just watched him, anxious, biting my lip—chapped already from all this stressing.Riley was quiet, deep in thought for a moment.“Mackenzie,” when he looked up at me, his dark eyes were hard, his jaw clenched.My stomach did a little flip of panic, my body reacting in a flash of heat, sweat breaking upon my skin in worry.I forced myself to look at him, steadily, but I could feel the tears rising.My throat ached.“Mackenzie,” he started again, softening when he noticed the tears in my eyes.“I’m sorry … but I meant what I said earlier.About changing.I think … I think it would be easier if we just … if we spent some time apart ….”“What?” My eyes darted anxiously across his face.“Why? Riley I’m sorry for earlier.I’m so sorry, and I won’t interfere with your new life … your new plans … I promise.I’m happy that you’re doing so well, that you’re so strong ….” I lied, but I was desperate.“Just … please, don’t say we need to be apart.Please? I don’t know what I’d do without you.Not just to party with, but to be with.You know?”“Yeah, right.” He scoffed in disbelief.I grasped his hand and forced him to look at me.“I mean it, Ry.You’re my best friend.Who knows you better than I do? Who knows me better than you? Come on …,” I smiled at him.“Riley and Mackenzie just like always.”He shook his head.“But it won’t be just like always, Mac.I’m giving it all up for good.All of it.So you either have to accept that and me, or we can’t be friends anymore.The thing is … I’m not that strong, and if you keep pressuring me to do these things, I’ll do them, and I won’t look back.And I don’t want that.Not anymore.”I nodded.“Okay, okay that’s fine.Honestly Ry, you are more important to me than just a buddy to get high with.I will miss you, ‘cause you’re friggin’ funny when you’re high, but I won’t pressure you anymore.” I laughed.“As long as you promise not to become one of those people.”“What people?”“You know; the people that we hate.The ones that quit stuff and then judge the other people for doing exactly what they just quit.Don’t do that to me, okay? Or I’ll totally lose it on you.”Riley stared at me a moment.“That sounds fair,” he chuckled, “but … wouldn’t you rather give it all up, too? Wouldn’t you like to live for yourself, and not just in pursuit of your next high? I mean, chasing down a few hours of conjured happiness, when you could live that way, everyday, doesn’t that seem ridiculous?”It was my turn to stare.Never in my life would I have imagined those words from Riley’s mouth.I had no choice but to laugh, in stupefied shock, and shake my head.“I wouldn’t hold your breath there, my friend.Good speech though.” I couldn’t even imagine the same thing happening to me.“So, we have a deal, then?”“We have a deal.” Riley smiled and shook my hand, as if we had just conducted some important business.“But don’t think I give up that easily.I’m not giving up on you Mackenzie, not when I know what’s best for you.”I laughed again.“Good luck.You’ll need it.”“Why’s that?”I thought of my desires, my youth, my plan for life which did not extend past this evening—highlighting the areas when I would be high, skipping past the areas when I would be sober, already impatient for the feel of a joint to my lips.I was young.I was not done having fun.If anything, I wanted complete, reckless amusement at any cost.I wanted danger, complete abandonment—wild, careless, excitement.I shrugged my shoulders, but I was grinning.“I’m a lost cause.” I decided.And I was delighted to be so.CHAPTER 7My heightened pulse had nothing to do with the fact that I was waiting on tables, alone, for the very first time.It had nothing to do with trying to remember menu choices and prices and customer needs.I wiped my sweaty palms on my sleek black skirt and tried to breathe normally.My anxiety had nothing to do with waitressing and everything to do with him.He was there.After all my scheming and waiting and new-jobbery, he was finally there, behind the narrow slit of a window dividing the kitchen from the waitress area.I snuck another glance at him.All I could see was the blue fabric of his bandana as he bent down at the line.Then he lifted his head, and Grey’s heartbreakingly handsome face became visible, the deep tone of his skin darkened by a few days growth of stubble [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]