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.I truly wish we could take more with us, or even that the base was closer to the damn mall so we could get back here easier, but it’s not and we don’t, and that’s the way it is.My finger lands on the pharmacy again, and I realize that I didn’t get Nova’s item—the pregnancy test she asked me to get her.I head over there to grab it, passing the music store on the way, and see that Rachel’s body is gone.Long red smears of blood show that the body was dragged, and I know that Nova or Michael have moved her body.Secretly I’m glad.Even though I hate what she did, she was doing it for the right reasons and I can’t hate her for that.Well, maybe a little bit.I walk the rows of products—nail polish, lipsticks, hair products.I grab a couple of boxes of the red hair dye and stuff them in my bag, remembering seeing Nova’s dark roots showing yesterday.We grabbed all the sanitary products last night; you don’t realize how much you miss those things until they’re gone, so we made sure to clear every shelf out.I pass the perfumes, each bottle glistening with unused scents.Each one will smell stale and rank now, their beauty gone, like everything else in this world.And then I see the baby aisle—the baby formula and diapers, the wipes and cotton balls, creams and bubble baths.Sadness creeps up on me.What kind of world is this for a baby or a child to grow up in? What do they have to look forward to? Safety? Sanctuary? That’s all gone.No matter how many times we try to rebuild it, those simple luxuries are gone.All we’re doing is working to establish some sort of environment that makes it bearable.My hand glides across the top of a baby blanket.It’s soft beneath my palm, and I can imagine a little bundle of joy nestled into it.Soft chubby cheeks, pink lips opening on a gurgle, and wide eyes so innocent and lost.My heart aches for what can never be, because I can never—will never—bring a baby into this world.I grab the blanket.If Nova is pregnant she’ll need this—among other things, of course.Or maybe it’s me that doesn’t want to let go of the blanket, this symbol of what will never be.I grab a pregnancy test and stuff it in my backpack.It’s a twin pack, so we’ll have a spare, too, which is good.While I’m there I grab condoms as well.Hell, if she isn’t pregnant, maybe she’ll be more careful next time.I never thought protection would be important—hell, I never thought sex would be important, but it is.For some people it’s a coping mechanism, for some people it’s the only way to express themselves now.In this world, every day you have to be on guard and on top of your game, aware of everything and everyone, so if you manage to find that one person you can physically connect with, that’s the best feeling in the world.As I leave the store, my backpack bursting with the last of my essential items, I realize that as a community we’re going to have to talk about protection and prevention of babies.We definitely need something more long-term.I meet Nova and Michael by the emergency exit, both still quiet from what happened in here, and I wonder if they will ever be able to stand to come back for more supplies.I couldn’t blame them if they didn’t want to.They lost their sister here, Nova found out some dark secrets and that part of her life was actually a lie, and as a community we lost an important member of the team.As we drive away, I can’t help but worry how everyone is going to take the news, if I will be accepted anymore.After all, this is partly my fault for sticking my nose in and asking questions.The funny thing is, though, with all the questions that it did answer, it also brought up many more.Nova rides with up front with me.I’m pretty sure it was her choice, and I’m glad.I don’t know how polite I could be to Michael right now.He knew what was going on, he knew that they were killing people—children—and then making some sort of freaky zombie baby.He knew this and he did nothing.And he was going to let her kill me.That really pisses me off.His love for his sister isn’t a good enough reason in my books.We drive in silence for a while, Nova eventually breaking it with some humming, and then finally she grabs a CD out of her bag and pops it in the player.These trucks didn’t normally come with one of those, but Nova has upgraded it many times to make it more comfortable, from what I can see.She looks at the back of the case, picking a track before hitting play, and as Highway to Hell by AC/DC blares through the speakers, I see the cellophane from the CD and realize it’s a new CD that she picked up from the music store, and that she must be the one who moved Rachel’s body [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]