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.Saturdaynight I forgot to take it again because Iwas so upset and we were going at eachother until the wee hours of the morning,and Sunday I was just too out of it to care.Sometime within those seventy-two hours,I wound up pregnant.It s a definite.It was like being in a wind tunnel.I dheard her say the words, understood themeven, but I couldn t speak because of theloud vacuum that was in my head.Pregnant.Pregnant.I d fucking gotten herpregnant.My child was growing inside ofher.Delilah was pregnant.I went away in my head, one terriblememory after another assailing me.Mychildhood bedroom had been filled withterror, anger, fear, shame.In my minds-eye, I saw my father on top of me, pullingmy pajamas and underwear off. Don tcry you sniveling brat.I m just going torub it against you.See how big I am andhow tiny you are? That s because I m aman and you re a little cunt.My pricklikes cunt, and that s what you are. I dcry while he did it, licking my cheeks andnipping at my head with his teeth.Healways made it a point to laugh while hecame on me. Stupid filthy little cunt,he d rasp, and every time, I d die a littlebit more inside.The terror was more than I could take.What if my child wound up like Hank?The kind of evil that Hank Cross hasinside of him isn t normal.Only the worsttype of person would touch a childsexually or in anger, but he did it with asmile because he enjoyed it.What if hissickness had skipped a generation and myson turned out like him? What if I had adaughter like Marceline?Even if Delilah gave birth to a totallynormal child with good morals, the kidwould still be totally fucked having me asa father.Either way, Delilah would regrethaving my child and she d hate me.IfDelilah hated me, I wouldn t be able to goon.On top of all that, Dante and Damien aregoing to flip out.I got their unmarriedbaby sister pregnant.That s going to goover like a lead balloon, especially withDamien since I ve hidden our relationshipfrom him.Making matters even worse, Istill have to tell all of the Harts about theshit that my delightful parents laid on meearlier.She d been totally silent the entire time Iwas thinking, and looking back at her Ifound her quietly crying.I guess beingpregnant with my kid didn t turn out to besuch a dream after all.She looked like itwas a fucking nightmare actually, and thatkilled me.She was probably so fuckingsad when she realized that she was goingto be saddled with my shitty parentingstyle for life. I tried Spencer& I tried to have atermination.I know that s what youwould want, but I couldn t do it.I wantour baby.When she said that, it felt as though I dbeen kicked in the nuts.I wouldn t haveasked her to get rid of it. I m not amonster Delilah.I wouldn t ever ask youto get rid of your baby.I could only deal with so much, but I knewone thing for sure.No matter what shetried to say, we had to do things my way.I needed to ensure that no matter what,she d be taken care of and that no one eversaid shit about her not being married whenshe has the baby. Take a shower and get dressed Delilah.We re driving to Vegas and gettingmarried.Spluttering, she stared at me like I d lostmy mind. What? No!No? Fucking no was her answer? Wasshe trying to hurt me? What happened toher telling me that she loved me? It wasn t a question, and it s not up fornegotiation.I m always going to take careof you Delilah, no matter what, just like Ialways promised you.I want us to bemarried when we tell the family aboutyour baby.Her lower lip trembled, and her eyeswere filled with tears when she shook herhead in the negative. I m not gettingmarried without my family there.I can tbelieve you d even suggest something soridiculous.I m also not marrying youwhen I can clearly see this isn t what youwant.I m not holding a gun to your head,and I don t want this.The family willlearn to deal with it.Yes, my brotherswill be pissed at first, but they will getover it.I know you don t want the babySpencer, know that you don t want to be apart of this.I m prepared for what thatmeans.Dammit, she was killing me.Why didn tshe want to marry me? Had she alreadymoved on in her mind? I want to marry you Delilah.You re nothaving a bastard baby.She was off the bed so fast that it was as ifshe was powered by rocket fuel.Shestood before me proud and gloriouslynaked, hands on her hips as she glared atme. You re not listening to me Spencer.You ve never straight up ignoredeverything I ve said before, and I don tlike it.Knock it the fuck off or I am goingto go rage out on you, pregnancy hormonestyle.Our baby isn t going to be abastard, and if you ever say that again, I llhurt you.I ll say it again; I m notmarrying you like this.I jumped up from the bed too, glaring ather. That s bullshit Delilah, and youknow it! You know what this tells me?You never planned to marry me no matterwhat happened, because you know I m notgood enough for you! Apparently I mgood enough to fuck, but not to marry.Why did you even bother telling me at allif you cared so little about what I dwant?She stared at me like I was speaking aforeign language, her expression one ofutter confusion. Is that what you thinkI m saying Spencer? That I never wantedto marry you, that I think you re not goodenough? That s not what I m saying atall.I ve wanted to be Delilah Cross sinceI was five years old, you idiot.I m headover heels in love with you, the same wayI have been for the last decade.LISTENto me.I can t want to marry you when itisn t what you want, and I am NOTmarrying you in Las Vegas.IF we everget married, we re having a realwedding.Didn t it occur to you thatperhaps you should have tried asking meinstead of telling me? The way you regoing about it makes me feel like shit, likea burden.Before I could edit myself I shouted, Because you know that to me, your babyIS a fucking burden! Not you, it.I m notfucking doing cartwheels, because I mhorrified.I ll deal with it because that swhat you need me to do, but don t expectme to pretend everything is okay.I toldyou I didn t want children and I wasn tkidding.Just remember that when youcan t stand me because I m shit as aparent.I knew as the words were coming out ofmy mouth that I was fucking up, but I wasscared, freaked out, and stupid.Her eyeswere huge in her face as she gaped at me,holding her stomach like I d punched her.Turning her back on me, she went to herbureau and grabbed a t-shirt and a pair ofunderwear.When she was covered, she faced meagain.The tone of her voice when shespoke was arctic. Get dressed and getout.It was like I couldn t control myself, likemy brain was taking a vacation.I dressedin under a minute as she glared at me, andseeing her disappointment, something inme snapped. Fuck it.I shouldn t be nearthat damn baby anyway [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]