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.Something risky like this.Who was I now? Had I always been this person? Or had I always just wanted to be this person?Chance had promised that he was going to break down my barriers tonight, but I’d never expected that he’d go as far as this.Or that I’d welcome any of it.Do I want to live a life with no surprises? Or one with adventure?The question seemed ridiculous to me—of course I wanted to live a life filled with adventure.It was a loaded, calculated question meant to goad me, and I was damned if it didn’t work because it gave me pause.My aunt had lived a life defined by adventure, while my mother had chosen to live a God-fearing life wrapped in a blanket of safety and security.As much as I loved and respected my mother, it wasn’t she who’d captivated my imagination when I was in my teens.Instead, it had been my aunt’s life that had spoken to me.If her life was her bank account, I used to think, then it must be overflowing with romantic thrills and experiences.I still did.So why aren’t you living your life as she has lived hers? Without boundaries.Without borders.I had no answer to that.The depressing truth was that I’d long thought that my aunt’s life was unobtainable for me, if only because it would have crushed my mother had I even dared to go there.I knew that she disapproved of the path my aunt chose.For too long, I also knew that my mother was no stranger to manipulation.When I was young, I knew that she’d sensed that there was some part of me that wanted a life similar to my aunt’s.And so, at some point, she must have formed a blueprint skewed to make me second-guess my aunt’s choices, which she considered lewd and dangerous.I’d been raised to want what many women of her generation wanted—a straight, predictable road toward marriage, children, and perhaps, if there was time, squeaking out some semblance of a career in the process.Throughout my life, my mother had gone to great lengths to assure me that this wasn’t just the life I should want, but that it was the life that I deserved.She’d reinforced the idea that while my aunt appeared to be happy, she couldn’t possibly be happy.How could she be happy without having love in her life? Children in her life? Someone to come home to? Someone that she could say she was in love with, and that loved her?Safety.Security.I’d fallen for all of it.“Abby?” Chance said.I looked at him and realized that, at some point, his foot had fallen away.I hadn’t noticed.“Are you all right?”“I’m fine.”“What were you thinking about?”“Nothing.” I shook my head at him.“Or everything.Probably everything.”“Would you like to talk about it?”“Not right now.”“You looked haunted for a moment.”Maybe I had.Maybe I’d just seen myself for who I was, and who I didn’t want to become.Maybe this man was bringing me closer to facing my past, and to reconsidering what I wanted for my future.When he’d called me earlier, it was on impulse that I’d decided to be with him tonight.When he’d asked to see me, I didn’t think even twice about it.I’d just agreed to it.There was a reason for that.While I knew that I needed to guard my heart, I also knew just upon hearing his voice that I wanted to have sex with him again.That I wanted his lips on me again.That I wanted him to hold me again, to feel him inside me again.But more than anything, on some subliminal level, I must have made a decision to break free from the person I’d been molded into.Even though I hadn’t been aware of it last night, whatever change I was going through now had begun then.“If what I said upset you, I’m sorry.”“Actually, I want to thank you for saying that.”“I don’t understand?”“Let’s just say that I’ve just sorted a few things out.”“I don’t know what you mean.”I don’t want to become my mother.“It doesn’t matter.But this does.Give me your foot.”“Are you sure?”“I wouldn’t have asked for it if I wasn’t sure.”He lifted his leg, and I reached for his foot and pressed it between my legs again.I ground myself against it.Then I looked at him.“Get me off,” I said in a low voice.“Right here in front of everyone.I want to know what that feels like.”“Abby….”“It’s fine, Chance.” I’ve just had a little come-to-Jesus moment.“I want this.”Although he looked perplexed, he nevertheless obliged.Despite the air conditioning, which was running at full blast, it wasn’t long before I started to become warm as his foot thrummed against me.As time passed and the sensations increased, I looked around the room, and it was as if I was seeing it through a fish-eyed lens.Figures were warped.My breathing became quick and shallow.I started to feel a little drunk, even though I’d yet to touch my martini.I looked at him as he lifted his glass of Scotch to his lips, and wondered what his lips would feel like against me now.Each time he brushed himself against me, he made certain that he passed over my clit.He played me as if he was playing an instrument, but he was no amateur.He was a master at this.With each delicious swipe of his foot, the room seemed to grow dimmer.Sounds diminished to the point that all I could hear was the rapid beating of my own heart [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]