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.More like amulti-colored mush that reflects my insides.He didn t answer myunspoken question, but to hear how my presence affected himis sweet.But it s also sour because he doesn t act that way veryoften anymore, which must mean that although he might stillhave some lingering interest, he s over me.That just leaves thequestion of whether I still have a chance to rekindle that interest. I must have been very unimpressive, he continues, bringingme out of my quiet thoughts. No wonder you wouldn t haveanything to do with me.The very faint hint of hurt in his voice sends a pang to my134 Erica Pikeheart, and I want to throw myself at him and gush out how muchI like him now.That it s more than just like; it s more like love,but I turned him down in the rudest way possible and left himwrapped up on Terry s crotch.Even I wouldn t want me backafter something like that. Well, I mutter with a forced smile while I swirl the ice creameven further. That s all ancient history now.You have Terry, andI have my Latino muchacho.I can t even look at him.I m afraid my face will betray myfeelings of longing, hurt, and regret.If only I d seen it backthen& Yeah, how are things going with you two?Is he gonna go into that again? I hate that he s so interested intalking about Rafael all the time.I hate that I brought Rafael up again.I d forgotten all about him and his three ways.I wouldn thave been so bothered if he d had at least stayed in the room towatch while Travis fucked me, but he went to watch TV.And hewasn t really watching.Just sort of spacing out on the sofa.Whydidn t he just send Travis home?A big, warm hand covers mine on the cool table.I m sostartled by the touch that I meet his warm gaze.Alex s gentleeyes burn right through to the core of my heart. Things are not going well?I slowly withdraw my hand from under his. Oh, no, thingsare great. Did my voice sound convincing? Shit, it didn t.I cansee it in his face. It s great! We re great, I repeat, widening the forced smileon my face.A smile that I m pretty sure looks pretty crazy-likeright about now. Everything is great.Madly in love and lots ofgreat sex.& with other men.And not so great, even when it s just thetwo of us.My heart s just not in it anymore.I have to break up with Rafael tonight.I m not happy with himany longer, and I was never okay with the threesomes.I shouldABOLUTELY ERIC 135have been more up front about it, but he d have to be blind notto see it, and by ignoring my discomfort he was disrespecting meas a person. Want to walk? Alex jerks his chin towards the exit. Yeah, I say in a low voice, relieved to have a change inscenery and hopefully a change in topic.Alex stuffs my hat on my head when we exit into the coolingair.Thick clouds have obscured the warm sun and have taken allthe heat away.It s so cold that I feel the tiny hairs in my nostrilsfreeze when I inhale. I ve been wondering, says Alex as we slowly stroll towardsthe park s exit. When we met at my office to go over the articles,you dropped your pile of papers on the floor.That can be seenas being clumsy.Did that mean you were nervous around me? Nuh-uh, I shake my head vigorously. That was just meunder a whole lot of stress.Actually, that was around the time I realized he was totallyspankalicious, but I can t tell him that now.I ve got to take careof a few things before I pour my heart out to him and ruin myfriendship with Terry forever, whether or not Alex will acceptme. So you get clumsy when you re under stress? No, more like cranky.You do not wanna be around me duringexams.The only person who can stand me at those times is myfriend, Adam, and that s only because he doesn t take any shitfrom me without throwing some back.Alex slips on a pair of thick black gloves.Puffs of white wispsescape his lips as he talks. So, if you get cranky when you reunder a lot of stress, but you weren t cranky that day at the office,then why were you being clumsy? It really took me by surprise,you know? You were always unfazed by anything and anyone.Goddamn it.He got me.I was a little bitchy at first, but Iwasn t cranky, which means I wasn t stressed but nervous.He stoo damn sharp.136 Erica Pike I m never clumsy.Ever.That was just a onetime thi I flail around as I trip on the uneven stone tiles, but Alexgrabs a hold of my arm and saves me from a fall.Cold sweat runsunder my skin, and my heart thuds in my ears.Feeling more thana little shocked, I look up into Alex s smiling eyes.He doesn t let go of me.His deep, sexy voice makes my heartjump one extra beat. What made you trip just now?His voice& I get a quick flashback to when I masturbatedwith him on the phone while I was still in denial.I got off extrahard because it was Alex on the other side of the line.Idiot.Idiot.Idiot! Bad soles? That burning sensation crawls back up mycheeks.Shit.Alex s sexy smile flashes on his face. You re blushing again. No, I almost shout.Calm down.Keep your cool. No.No,I m not. Right.You re just flustered after our one and a half miles perhour stroll? Shut up, I mumble. It s& it s the cold! I get pink cheekswhen it s cold outside because I have very white and delicateskin.Alex bites down on the middle finger of his glove and yanks itoff.I flinch when he touches my skin, but he s insistent and runsit gently downwards along my cheek and jaw line.I fight back awhimper, but my lips tremble at his touch.I m about to lean intohis palm when he catches a glimpse of his watch and pulls hishand back.He slides his glove back on. I have a meeting soon.I have togo.Let s do this again sometime soon, okay? Okay, I whisper in a breathy sorta way.He walks away a little, then turns and walks backwards with asmirk on his face. Your cheeks are warm, by the way. He turnsABOLUTELY ERIC 137on his heel and strides off.I bite off my mitten and touch my hot cheek.The tables have definitely turned.He used to be head overheels for me, and I used to love messing with him.Now I m headover heels for him, and he most definitely loves to tease me.Butsince I had an underlying desire for him back then, does thatmean he still has some leftover desires for me?But at least now I know what I have to do.I m not goingto postpone it any longer; I m breaking up with Rafael tonightwhether Alex will accept me or not.CHAPTER 16The phrase  Karma s a bitch is such a cliché, but it s so true [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]