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.They also include an approach that is narrow-minded orrigid.All of these can cause sexual problems, especially for couples in long-term partnerships.Lack of Enthusiasm for SexOften one partner in a couple has little or no enthusiasm for sex.The otherpartner may say, “My partner tells me to hurry up and get it over with,” or“My partner just lies there and hardly moves.” These are common complaints.A partner’s lack of enthusiasm for sex will surely affect a person being able toperform.This is true because a partner’s sexual excitement is a big part of one’s own excitement.I have often encountered patients who say that their partner was more enthusi-astic about sex at the beginning of the relationship but lacked enthusiasm after a while.The reason for this is that after the newness has worn off, a person’s more natural or baseline attitude toward sex takes over.Thus, a person who normallyhas little interest in sex may still respond with enthusiasm during sex in a newrelationship but then return to his or her usual low amount of interest over time.On the other hand, a person who normally has a strong interest in sex will explore ways to keep sexual interest over time.84Attaching Too Much importance to SexSex is an important part of many people’s lives, but some place too much impor-tance on sex.They view any sexual problem almost as seriously as they wouldview a fatal illness.For some people, a sexual problem means they are no longermasculine or feminine.Others view any sexual problem as a sure sign that therelationship is over.Most of the time, depression or extreme tension goes alongwith such views.People with these negative views almost never enjoy sex in arelaxed way.They focus too much on how they perform and not enough onhaving fun, being creative, and feeling satisfaction.People who attach too much importance to sex may be insecure and equate sexwith love and personal attractiveness.In such cases, a person may focus on fre-quency of sex and keep track of sex.Usually the results of this type of pressurehave the opposite effect.The more a person is available for sex and pressures his or her partner for sex, the more the partner moves away from sex.Remember, sexis much more interesting when it is unpredictable and not always obtainable.Rigid or Narrow-Minded Approach to SexVariety truly is the spice of life when it comes to long-term sexual partnerships.Couples who are not very creative or willing to try new things will, in time, lose interest in sex.They may even develop sexual problems.For many couples, sexincludes little or no foreplay.They focus all interest on intercourse.Some couples have never touched each other’s genitals.Some have never tried new positionsfor intercourse.These couples are limiting the pleasure they could have fromsex.They are also at risk for sexual problems and physical isolation.On the other hand, other couples have enjoyed many ways of giving each other sexual pleasure.Because of this, they are better prepared to deal with a problem with intercourseif one occurs.These couples give and receive pleasure in a number of ways.Thiskeeps them feeling physically intimate and close to each other.It is especially important for couples to have the attitude of “whatever happens in sex is OK.” This, of course, is in the context of consenting sex and not coercivesex.A couple’s accepting attitude values each sexual experience with the partner.When there is no blame or evaluation, couples will more likely enjoy their sexualrelationship much more over time.On the other hand, couples who have theattitude that “once you start sex you have to finish it” or “the only true sex issexual intercourse” are more likely to develop problems and sexual dysfunctionand have less sex.85Couples who are less rigid and more open about sex will usually flirt more, joke about sex more, show more affection, touch more often, and have sexual experiences that end in a variety of ways.The “ending” may or may not include orgasmand may or may not include intercourse.Can You Communicate Openly About Sex With Your Partner?If you have a sexual problem, the first and most important step is to discuss theproblem with your partner.This is true for a problem that is caused by interper-sonal factors or for problems that stem from attitudes and behaviors about sex.For most people, this is easier said than done.Couples often do not talk abouta problem with the relationship or their sex life.If they do talk, the discussion is often awkward.When couples do not talk, misunderstandings are much morelikely.It has been shown that talking really does help.Couples can get rid ofa lot tension and can sometimes even correct a sexual problem just by talkingabout it.On the other hand, poor communication can make discussing problems aboutthe relationship useless.A couple must follow a good communication plan.Keepin mind that you are trying to understand each other’s feelings and the ways youaffect each other’s behavior.If you use discussions to blame one another, they will be useless—or worse—harmful to the relationship.Developing Better Communication With Your PartnerMost couples who have a hard time communicating try to do so at the wrongtimes.Couples may try to talk when one person is leaving for work or hasjust walked in the door.Distractions and interruptions can ruin the chance ofthe discussion being a good one [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]